It's okay to feel less successful in life. Here is why.

Awhile back, I met up with some friends I hadn't seen in ages and I was wondering why X was nowhere to be found. "Where is X?", I ask.

"Oh, I think he feels a little left out when he's with us, cause he is in between jobs and he thinks we've all made it.", my friend tells me. "It's kinda uncomfortable for him."

"WHAT?", I exclaim. "Tell him that is nonsense! I don't even consider myself successful. None of us are going to judge him anyway.

Then I realized that what X felt was perhaps how I feel around my friends who have married and moved on to have children.

Certified Undateable™

"You're lucky to have dated good boyfriends who love you.", my good friend C tells me, her eyes narrowing as she sips at her cup of black coffee. 

She shrugs.

"You can't expect anyone to wait forever to marry you."

There it was. The awkward truth that no girl right smack in the middle of an existential crisis wants to hear.

"But ... I don't know, maybe I don't want to be loved or be proposed to. Maybe I just want to love myself", I sheepishly say, knowing how many soon-to-be married women out there are rolling their eyes at me right now. 

It feels strange to me that in this day and age, we still place so much importance on finding the right man and settling down. Have we not evolved past that now? Women have equally successful careers, divorce rates are sky-rocketing and there are at least 5 dating apps to download on Play Store.

'Is settling down the only way we can be truly happy?', I ponder out loud. 

"I don't know, but you really have to be growing up.", she tells me, her voice kind and genuine, and I knew it was because she does love me that she wanted me to know The Truth. 

... And then I realized what she - and maybe many people thought of me. 

The Truth:
I am clumsy as hell, play video games, have a genuine love of alcohol, get bored easily, definitely crazy enough to dance on tables and have the carefree recklessness of a 19-year-old (what are consequences? bah, who cares!). Add my age into the equation and ...

I am Certified Undateable.
(a.k.a Non Marriage Material a.k.a the girl you don't wanna bring home to your parents

But I am also ambitious, adventurous, kind to animals, generous and awesome at first dates - true story, bruh. So why are my flaws so glaring just because I don't fit into the mould of a conventional woman?

I feel like us women have been put under microscopic observation all our lives - by men, peers or even other women. She has a stable job and yet not too successful cause, you know, that's intimidating? Ok, good. 

Good in bed but still has an innocent quality about her? Check. Doesn't have more than 3 boyfriends? Great! She doesn't drink? Good, you don't wanna date an alcoholic. Does she sleep around? Yes? Oh, that's not someone I wanna marry. She goes to church every Sunday? Good, religious girls are less likely to be sluts.

She's too fat, too thin, too muscular, too old, too loud.

Why are we going through this? It would be painstakingly different if we were born men - at least on a biological level, noone's gonna tell you that you risk being infertile in your 30s. 

Social media shows you pictures of happy relationships, fairytale engagements, flawless marriages and cute-as-heck babies ... but never forget that it can be very deceptive, and very harmful if we make choices based purely on the desire to fit in. 

"I'm annoyed, brave but I'm also scared. What if everyone is right and I should just settle?", I whine to R, a good guy friend of mine who has been the unfortunate recipient of my rants for the past month. 

He rolls his eyes and laughs. "You are still fucking young! Older men will date you, younger men will date you, and whatever it is you should not be listening to what other people tell you to do anyway."

So ladies, if there is anything I've learned in the past month, it is that if you're feeling Certified Undateable, girl friends are great but (sometimes) guy friends are even more awesome. 


Seven years in the making

It's been 7 years since the night I was alone and lost in Singapore, and met you as I walked alongside the riverside of Clarke Quay. 

So there you were. Older, successful and fresh off an exit - while I was young, naive and my business idea was nothing but a fantasy. Both my startup aspirations - and you - were completely unattainable. 

7 years ago, entrepreneurship, men, love and ambition were all foreign to me.

7 years ago, with an amazing rendition of Kings of Leon playing in the background, I looked into your eyes and really believed I could use somebody like you. 

And yet, I let you break my heart. 

You chose her. 

I still remember that night in KL as if it were yesterday. Alone, tears rolling down my cheeks, I learned two things: 
1. Women should think with their brains, not their heart.
2. I will never cry over the loss of a man again. 

7 years later, I am a completely different person. I've loved and lost businesses, boyfriends, traveled a little and grown a lot.

 7 years later, there were men who wanted to marry me and men who wanted to play with me. I cried no tears for either. 

7 years later, I still want to ask you ... So what do you think of what I've achieved? Is my career going well? Have I made the right choices? Should I really leave? 

Do you still love her?

... And I feel like I'm falling into a wormhole back through time, where I am once again a naive 21-year-old who had nothing to offer and really desired your validation. 

They say that women will always be the weaker species and I've spent the past 7 years trying to prove I wasn't made with the same mold. But today, I'm feeling a little tired of fucking up and moving on. Just for today - I want to be weak.

And weakness, to me, is thinking about that time in my life, 7 years ago, when I fell in love with you. 



The Best is Yet To Come


Hello, world. I've finally renewed my domain and revived my blog. 

2016 has been an incredibly exciting year so far. With much to look forward to - including a BIG move to the city of my dreams, Hong Kong (yes! the city in the background of the visual is HK). I figured now is better than never to start documenting my journey and also write about my favourite subjects, startups and social media. 

We only have one life to live, and it better be a hell of a ride. ;)

Watch this space!